Finally!!

I finished my first year teaching and I feel so let down. I wish I felt more successful about this past year. My principal told me that very few 1st year teachers feel real successful. Now what to do with my life.

I have a driving job - out of Louisville. I can't really say I am excited about getting back in a truck, but it will pay the bills (I hope.)

I don't seem to be getting along with my mother at the moment, but she is being catty about the entire situation. No telling what I have done now! She won't come out and tell me, she will just not have anything to do with me unless is has to do with my money. I just divorced a man that only wanted me for my ability to pay bills and I get the same feeling from my mom. She doesn't ever talk to me unless it has something to do with how I am going to spend my money (or lack thereof.)

I guess I am just feeling down today and having a nice little pity party for me. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Changed My Mind

I was suppose to move in with my boyfriend this coming weekend, but I have changed my mind. It has come down to the wire and I just can't do it. I can't really put my finger on it, but I just can't do it. I don't know if it is because I am so afraid of it not working, if I am afraid I will have to move again, if it is because I will be moving into his home and not feel I have the freedom I want to do things the way I want, or if it is just I have too much going on in my life and need a little stability. I don't want to loose him and that is a possibility because we live so far from each other but the timing is just not right.

I am finishing my school year this week and it is a little overwhelming in itself. I feel like such a failure because I am not returning and I had wanted this for so long. I have a lead on a driving job. I almost look forward to getting back in a truck. Maybe because I am looking forward to the quite and I know that I will be successful at it. Too many changes going on in my life right now. I need everything to slow down!

Time to Move On

Well, school is almost over (2 more weeks) and I will be moving. I don't think I have ever wanted anything so badly and then not liked it as much as I have teaching. Oh well, you know what they say: Be careful what you wish for, you just may get it. It has been a learning experience, I can truthfully say that. It is so depressing looking for a job. I know all the sayings about they aren't rejecting me as a person, but I sure do take it personally. I have found a lead on a driving job that sounds promising. I didn't really think I wanted to get back in a truck, but after thinking about living with Tim's kids when he wasn't there, it just didn't sound too appealing to me. May if I drive, also, and we are there together when the kids are there it will be better.

I am really going to miss where I am living now. I adore this house and it's location. I hope I come to feel the same about Tim's. I know I am going to like living on the farm, it will just feel odd living in someone else's home.

Speaking of Tim, he will be here in a couple of hours. This is on his way to his next delivery so he is stopping by for about 24 hours. I look forward to seeing him. Some of the other women I work with and I are going out to eat tonight and then going to our school prom so I guess he is going with us. He will be a welcome addition. He is such a wonderful man and I am so lucky to have met him. We have been seeing each other a year this week and I couldn't have asked for a man to treat me any better than he does.

Well, I have turned 52 and I don't feel 52 any more than I felt 51. The ladies at school sent me beautiful roses. I am going to miss my "Ya Ya" sisters when I move. I think that will be the saddest part of me moving. I haven't been this close to a group of women in a LONG time.

The Lord has blessed me beyond my wildest imagination the last couple of weeks and I need to give him praise for that. I have been in such a financial disaster and he is changing things in ways that I never could have imagined. It has been a hard year, but I have tried to keep my faith as strong as possible and know that he would take care of everything in his time.

Ain't Love Grand

This has been a good weekend and a terrible weekend. The good first.

My oldest son and his family (5 kids) came to visit me. It was nice to finally have all of them here. He and the baby have been to see me, but not his wife and the other kids. It is so refreshing to have some young blood in my house once in awhile. The kids fixed burgers, baked cookies and had an overall good time, I THINK.

Now the bad. I think my boyfriend and I broke up. We have been talking about me moving in with him when this school year is over, but I don't know if that is really the best thing for me to do. Sometimes I feel like I am just a convenience for him and when he is busy with other things, I am at the bottom of the list. Maybe it is just my insecurity. I sure don't have the best track record with men and this is probably carry over from some of that.

Back to class tomorrow but it will be a short week because we are having field day Friday. One less lesson plan, yea.

The weather is absolutely beautiful. It is so cool for this time of year but I am loving it. Feels like Mother Nature is letting us know we aren't quite to summer.

Is it Summer Yet?

I feel like I am completely spent. I have worked so hard this year trying to teach, go to school and drive a school bus. The driving just has to go. It feels like my energy has just been sucked out of me. I need to learn how to stiffen by back and say "No." Everytime they call from the bus garage they make it sound like a life and death emergency and I just say no. It seems like I can't get away from school early enough to even get some groceries or go to the bank. There is always something.

It is so utterly frustrating to me to try to teach these students something and, to not only have them not care, tell me they don't care and don't feel like doing anything. I am just having such a difficult time wrapping myself around their attitudes about school and adults. I just wonder what their home life must be like and what they are taught at home. I guess their lying and disrespect bothers me the most. It is so unfair to the decent students to spend so much time trying to keep the disruptive ones in line. Maybe I would have done better at this if I had started much younger. Oh well, about about 23 school days left. Maybe I can hold out.

What a great Weekend!

I spent the weekend at my boyfriend's with him and his son. We worked on the barn and around the yard. There is so much for a city girl to learn about living on a farm, but I have no doubt I am up to the challenge. I had the pleasure of riding up to KY with a friend who was going further and then she picked me up on the way back. It is so nice to have someone to share the ride with. She is planning on going up there again in 2 weeks, so if possible I think I will go with her again.

My oldest son called and said he and his family want to come visit next weekend. This should be interesting, and fun! He plans on bringing all 5 kids. I guess I better come up with something for all of us to do.

Six more weeks and I get my summer vacation. I am counting the days!!

Yea, It's a Refund

Well, I finally got my taxes finished and I am getting a refund - small, but at least it is a refund.

Well, 6 weeks until the end of school. Some days it seems like the day will never get here. The kids seem so distracted; so much is going on at school, besides the fact that spring is here.

I need to start packing for my big move in June, but I just can't seem to get my butt in gear. Packing everything again just seems daunting. I don't know what to pack up to unpack when I get there and what to pack to store for awhile. I need to get some Rubbermaid containers to put stuff in. I hate to store stuff in boxes that the critters can get into.

I planted some bedding plants in the planters on my porch yesterday and I think it really makes it feel like spring. I love the way the flowers change the look of the house. I am planning on going to my boyfriends this weekend and I think we are going to get his flower beds squared away.

Thank goodness for Friday!!