Changed My Mind

I was suppose to move in with my boyfriend this coming weekend, but I have changed my mind. It has come down to the wire and I just can't do it. I can't really put my finger on it, but I just can't do it. I don't know if it is because I am so afraid of it not working, if I am afraid I will have to move again, if it is because I will be moving into his home and not feel I have the freedom I want to do things the way I want, or if it is just I have too much going on in my life and need a little stability. I don't want to loose him and that is a possibility because we live so far from each other but the timing is just not right.

I am finishing my school year this week and it is a little overwhelming in itself. I feel like such a failure because I am not returning and I had wanted this for so long. I have a lead on a driving job. I almost look forward to getting back in a truck. Maybe because I am looking forward to the quite and I know that I will be successful at it. Too many changes going on in my life right now. I need everything to slow down!