Finally!!

I finished my first year teaching and I feel so let down. I wish I felt more successful about this past year. My principal told me that very few 1st year teachers feel real successful. Now what to do with my life.

I have a driving job - out of Louisville. I can't really say I am excited about getting back in a truck, but it will pay the bills (I hope.)

I don't seem to be getting along with my mother at the moment, but she is being catty about the entire situation. No telling what I have done now! She won't come out and tell me, she will just not have anything to do with me unless is has to do with my money. I just divorced a man that only wanted me for my ability to pay bills and I get the same feeling from my mom. She doesn't ever talk to me unless it has something to do with how I am going to spend my money (or lack thereof.)

I guess I am just feeling down today and having a nice little pity party for me. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Changed My Mind

I was suppose to move in with my boyfriend this coming weekend, but I have changed my mind. It has come down to the wire and I just can't do it. I can't really put my finger on it, but I just can't do it. I don't know if it is because I am so afraid of it not working, if I am afraid I will have to move again, if it is because I will be moving into his home and not feel I have the freedom I want to do things the way I want, or if it is just I have too much going on in my life and need a little stability. I don't want to loose him and that is a possibility because we live so far from each other but the timing is just not right.

I am finishing my school year this week and it is a little overwhelming in itself. I feel like such a failure because I am not returning and I had wanted this for so long. I have a lead on a driving job. I almost look forward to getting back in a truck. Maybe because I am looking forward to the quite and I know that I will be successful at it. Too many changes going on in my life right now. I need everything to slow down!

Time to Move On

Well, school is almost over (2 more weeks) and I will be moving. I don't think I have ever wanted anything so badly and then not liked it as much as I have teaching. Oh well, you know what they say: Be careful what you wish for, you just may get it. It has been a learning experience, I can truthfully say that. It is so depressing looking for a job. I know all the sayings about they aren't rejecting me as a person, but I sure do take it personally. I have found a lead on a driving job that sounds promising. I didn't really think I wanted to get back in a truck, but after thinking about living with Tim's kids when he wasn't there, it just didn't sound too appealing to me. May if I drive, also, and we are there together when the kids are there it will be better.

I am really going to miss where I am living now. I adore this house and it's location. I hope I come to feel the same about Tim's. I know I am going to like living on the farm, it will just feel odd living in someone else's home.

Speaking of Tim, he will be here in a couple of hours. This is on his way to his next delivery so he is stopping by for about 24 hours. I look forward to seeing him. Some of the other women I work with and I are going out to eat tonight and then going to our school prom so I guess he is going with us. He will be a welcome addition. He is such a wonderful man and I am so lucky to have met him. We have been seeing each other a year this week and I couldn't have asked for a man to treat me any better than he does.

Well, I have turned 52 and I don't feel 52 any more than I felt 51. The ladies at school sent me beautiful roses. I am going to miss my "Ya Ya" sisters when I move. I think that will be the saddest part of me moving. I haven't been this close to a group of women in a LONG time.

The Lord has blessed me beyond my wildest imagination the last couple of weeks and I need to give him praise for that. I have been in such a financial disaster and he is changing things in ways that I never could have imagined. It has been a hard year, but I have tried to keep my faith as strong as possible and know that he would take care of everything in his time.